Edith Longbottom

( I always find something wrong. )

( Class Schedule. )

[WARDED TO HOGWARTS TEAM]
Who knows if we can get extra time on the Pitch this week? Can someone wrangle a spot from either Durmstrang or Salem? Or I don't know--talk to them nicely or whatever people do. If not, anywhere on the grounds we can hold a practice? I don't fucking care if

Flint, Chase--you two got notes for Beauxbatons? I got some too. We should probably go through them just in case. I want to play against D I want us to get to

It's go time, so let's go. Fuck classes for the next week. This'll probably help more for Quidditch selection anyway. Bloody good thing I'm not a Fifthie
[/END]

[WARDED TO HAL, CORRIE AND BROTHERS]
Can't see you for a week. I got stuff on.

Except Corrie, 'cause I live with her. I can see her.

Sorr You understand, right?
[/END]

Dear brothersEVERYONE, yeah, you caught me. I am pregnant, like BIG TIME. I AM SO PREGNANT. MY STOMACH IS FULL OF BABY RIGHT NOW. And not just plain old BABY, this is Hal's baby. Which obviously makes it a bigger deal because he's like a FULL four? COUPLE OF MONTHS YOUNGER THAN ME. OH THE SCANDAL!!! And you know, before you start blaming Hal for ~soiling my virtue~ or whatever, I totally took advantage of him because, you know, I am older and stuff. (And I took advantage of him 10247185710639583986 times. RIGHT? I've been keeping count.) Also, by "taking advantage", it means, obviously, that I banged him. And things. AHAHA things AND I MEAN ALL OF THE THINGS.

BIRTHDAYBIRTHDAYBIRTHDAAAY. IT'S MY BIRTHDAY, BITCHES. TELL ME HOW MUCH YOU LOVE ME, ET CETERA. IS THAT HOW POSH PEOPLE SAY IT? ET CETERA? WHATEVER. IT'S MY BIRTHDAY AND I CAN WAKE PEOPLE UP AT ANY TIME I WANT AND NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO BE MAD AT ME AHAHA.

I HAD A CUPCAKES FOR BREAKFAST. CAN YOU TE

MUM MADE ME LIKE A DOZEN OF THESE THINGS:



BEST MUM EVER. BETTER THAN THE MIMBULUS MIMBLETONIA-SHAPED CAKE SHE MADE LAST YEAR. IT WAS THE EFFING UGLIEST CAKE EVER. BUT IT WAS BLACK FOREST SO I ATE IT.

WARDED TO CORRIE
It's really weird withou
Da said I shouldn't push other peo
But still


I don't h
END

Fucking exams.

WARDED PRIVATE TO SELF
What the fuck is happening? She can't
She just--



We were supposed to do this TOGETHER. And she just fucking left and

FUCKING
I cannot fucking deal with this.
END

WARDED TO CORRIE
Hey, I know you were angry and it's probably like, just the stress talking. But you should come back. We fucking need you. I need you. Corrie. Please. We can drop Transfiguration together. We can drop anything you want to drop. Please. Just come back. And we'll sort this out. It's going to be fine. No one's ang--

Chase is probably angry at you because of the face punching thingy but you guys can talk it out. And it will be OKAY. WE WILL MAKE IT OKAY.




CORRIE, WHY CAN'T YOU JUST COME BACK? WHAT THE FUCK?! I AM SO ANGRY AT YOU RIGHT NOW SO YOU BETTER COME BACK. I SWEAR ON HELGA'S RIGHT TIT, I WILL DRAG YOU TO PRACTICE.

Ugh.

Just.

Come back.

Please.
END

WARDED PRIVATE TO HAL
If you're not busy with, check these out, HAHA.
END

WARDED PRIVATE TO SELF
Like I don't have enough to fucking worry about, really. Fucking
And what the fuck
Why are they like getting thrown together a lot
It's got to be coinc
Bullshit
It's not like I'm even
I'm not je




Sometimes I wonder how people can stand me. I know Frank, Will and Tris will never get rid of me but the others, I don't know. Really, though. Why do people stick around? Because I'm a bit of a bitch and I don't really fucking care about changing that. Half the time I'm scowling at people. I totally get why h It's like a permanent sm fuckingshutup I hope Corrie never gets sick of me because I don't fucking know where I'd be Maybe I should take da's adv

Ugh. THIS BABY. What the hell. Is. My. Life?
END

Good job, Hogwarts. I'm reconsidering my plan of having 5 kids now. Hahahahahahaha, fuck you.

WARDED PRIVATE TO SELF
WHAT IN THE FUCKING HELL?!?!?!?!
Fucking fucking fuck. What. The. Fuck. Oh my fucking fuckity fucknuts. Shit.
Shit shit shit shit shit.
No.
No.
Just no.
No.
Nononononono. No.

EWWWW.
END

WARDED TO HAL
I don't know where to start How do I I just feel so much Is this thing between us working for you? Because I don't think it's working for me anymore. I'm sorry, Hal. I didn't mean for it to happen. It's like I'm seeing for the very first time and I've been so blind. I can't be with you now that I know.

I still love you like a brother, you know that right?
END

WARDED TO FRIENDS
[OOC: Intentionally vague! Feel free to jump it, bbs.]
I am in love. Like, I think I might like him as much as Quidditch love. This is serious, guys.
END

WARDED TO CORBIN
Hi I have so many things to tell y Hello
Hey jerkface, we should hang out.
END

BONJOUR, MON CHAIRS. I am Fifi! Eet iz pronounced "fee-fee" not "pee-pee". Do not be gross, see voo play. Monique iz my ami Miami? haha and we arrre both from le Paris, ze city of LIGHTS. Because, you see, we have gigantic phallic structure jutting out like so, no? Anyway! It sparkles every night! Because it is sparkly like our personalitee!

Except to tourists. Monique and I do not like zhem. I do not think a lot of le Parisiennes do. Whenever one of zhem stop us in le streets to ask for zirections, we do what we call le French shrug:



It is tray effective!

For things I like, I enjoy painting still life of cheese. Specifically, brie. It is magnifick! Hard cheeses not so much. Please feel free to talk to Monique and I about interesting things! We do SO love talking to le peoples.

WARDED TO HOGWARTS TEAM
You were still fucking brilliant, to be honest. Statistics are up, if you've read Prescott's write-up thing.

Defence was really ace this time around. Danny and Charles, did you sprout two extra arms each or what? And Rose. ROSE. 11 goddamn saves. How do we even get things past you guys during practice?

Garrett, 2 goals in 5 minutes. Yeah. Who the fuck has done that? Corrie and Elliot, you two are possibly the most amazing players ever ever because how you fucking managed to play without a third Chaser and put up such a FIGHT was fucking impressive, if you ask me.

Jamesy, you had a bad day but hey, we get that sometimes. I fucking Splinched myself, didn't I?

It was shitty but we're all still alive.

Oh, and I'm dropping Apparition Lessons because I'm not fucking risking that shit again. I like my arm where it is right now--attached to me. Good thing da managed to get half of the payment back because that was quite a bit of mone And mum was really really worried anyway so it's not like I would have just waltzed back in
END

WARDED TO HAL AND CORRIE
[OOC: Separately because she's still a little afraid their little arrangement is ~fragile~ lololol.]

Hit Witch.
END

Hello, my name is Eddie and I have this teddy bear that I love so much. Her name is Wilda and she's the cuddly-wuddliest.

[Added two minutes later.]

HAL GILLESPIE.

Whatever. Wilda is awesome and badass.

I'm bored.

And I think James should do my Transfiguration coursework for me, Y/Y? The correct answer is Y.

WARDED PRIVATE TO SELF
It's okay, it's okay. It was just a nightmare. Gran's not really dea But she looked skinnier at Christmas lun All alone in Hampsh I don't want her to di SHE ISN'T ALLOWED TO D YOU FUCKING HEAR ME, DEATH I know she's getting on but Who is going to help me untangle the knots in Gran Alice's hair? It is so fucking hard and I am so fucking clumsy I can't possibly Who is going to make fun of young people with me Tell me stori Don't fucking cry, you idiot. Going to wake up everyone at this rate Fuck this, I'm up

Need to ask da if I can stay with Gran this summer. Future self, arrange this please.
END

WARDED AGAINST PREFECTURE - EXCEPT FOR LILY AND HAL
You know, last time I was out and about after curfew, I nearly tripped over the statute of that ugly one-eyed crone up on the third floor. The stairs are still really tricky though, fickle bastards STAY WHERE YOU ARE. I like curfews, people stay in their rooms and I can have the castle to myself which is awesome and creepy at the same time.

Imagine if there was a zombie apocalypse or if, I don't know, half of the world's population got wiped out by some virus or something, or the entire douchebag population spontaneously combusted (what I would give to see that, really), and you've got this whole place to yourself and the world just descends into anarchy. And stuff.



I don't think I'd like that world very much, actually. Wouldn't have time to play Quidditch if you're too busy trying to stay alive. It would totally suck.
END

WARDED PRIVATE TO SELF
WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING? TRANSFIGURATION, REALLY? I FUCKING HATE MY LIFE.
I wish I fucking listened to da when he said to drop it NO. I CAN FUCKING DO THIS. I CAN. IT'S JUST TRANSFIGURATION. GRAN AUGUSTA SAID IT WILL BE FINE. I will be fine. I will NOT FAIL. I will not fail. I will not fail. I will not fail. I will not fail. I will not fail. I will not fail.

Okay.
END

WARDED PRIVATE TO GIRL FRIENDS
I think I'm getting sick. I have this weird stomach thing. It's like swoopy and shit. What do I take? I mean, it's not ALL the time. It's just when I see Ha well, fuck, I don't know.

I can't afford to get sick now. Transfiguration exam in less than a week.
END

WARDED PRIVATE TO HAL
You were really funny So I attended the play like I said Don't say I don't keep my promis What were you saying about

You were really funny. In the play, I mean.
END

WARDED PRIVATE TO HAL
If you fucking try to throw me off my game again I will CHOKE YOU You were doing that, weren't you Don't li Why did you have to Are you serious HOW CAN YOU BE SERIOUS Why are you

Do we avoid each other now I don't want t

I don't hate you
END

Good game, Durmstrang.

WARDED PRIVATE TO SELF
Too fucking close for comfort. I don't like it. I guess it could have been worse. I could have been worse. I can't believe there's a time when I'm actually THANKFUL for Flint being around. I think I've got bruises forming on my arms from when he shook me though. Fuck it. Running and hiding in the lockers like a little girl. What fucking bullshit. I'm better than that. I'm not going to let some BOY just waltz in and and, I don't fucking know, rattle me like that. That was mental. What the fuck was he thinking? I COULD HAVE BEEN A TOTAL FAILURE ON THE PITCH TODAY. He KNOWS how much I care about Quidditch. Why did he have to go do that?
END

WARDED PRIVATE TO WILL
So Do you want to talk about Lil Are you two Do you

You talked to mum or da lately?
END

WARDED PRIVATE TO CHASE
So, I don't know if Flint's talked to you about his crazy mental theory about the team getting sabotaged by the others through, you know, messing us up by playing with our emotions. Don't tell him I told you this, but I think he may be right and I don't want us to lose. I really don't. We're doing so fucking well and I don't fucking like it when people do shit like play mind games. It's stupid and unnecessary and I will cut off their balls if I catch them at it. Even the girls.

What I'm trying to say is: how can I get better? I've taken on what Flint said before the first game but you've been watching us. I need to know where I can improve.
END